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Why you Shouldn’t Be in a Relationship if You Are Newly Sober

April 12, 2017 - - 0 Comments

Relationship So, after many years of drinking, you finally decided you had enough. You courageously made a conscious decision to find another way of living and went to an alcoholism treatment program for 3 months. You now have almost 100 days of sobriety and you feel great, ready to take on the world. You have a new air of confidence, a renewed spirit and the admiration of your family and friends. You are excited about your new life and the possibilities it brings. In the recovery community, this is called the “pink cloud” and it’s a great place to be.

It’s great to be excited and to feel great about your new life. However, it is also important to temper that excitement with some reality as well and to not get carried away. Let’s take stock of what got you to this point in your life. You may have wasted many, many, years of your life drinking, or sacrificed your health, family and friends, and yourself.

When you finally got sober, you put in 3 months of working on yourself. That is a lot of time and effort. It goes without saying that you need to protect it as much as possible. Again, it’s great that you feel good, but it is in the nature of the alcoholic to take different things to the extreme. One of the goals in new sobriety is to keep a steady, solid course and to stay away from the extreme ups and downs if possible.


Alcohol rehab programs can help give you the base you need to get started in sobriety. They teach you how to cope with your feelings better, to recognize your triggers, and different techniques to help you manage your life without alcohol, while you are in a safe environment. All of that though is just a start. Just because you have the information they gave you doesn’t mean that you have incorporated it into your daily life. Learning how to be and stay sober is a lifelong process that doesn’t happen overnight. The point is that it takes time to build your routine, get stable and live what you have been taught.

The problem is that when you are newly sober, you are much more prone to ups and downs, which we want to avoid in early sobriety. Until your sober life becomes second nature, you make yourself highly vulnerable by being in a relationship. Remember all that work you put in? You don’t want to make your new life any harder than it needs to be.

Being in a relationship can be great of course, but it can also be painful. And when that happens, it is a challenge to your early sobriety. You don’t want to have to deal with any of that. By waiting and working on yourself, you will be more prepared and likely able to handle that heartbreak if it does happen to you.

When you were in the alcoholism treatment program you learned to work on yourself, which is something you need to continue to do in your first year. In a relationship, you focus on others, their happiness. You give them your attention when you need to pay attention to yourself. If you are not stable or happy yourself, how can you expect to have a great relationship with someone else?

It’s worth it to wait to create the best you and to put your best foot forward once you do feel you are ready for a relationship. Love can wait, but your sobriety must come first at all times, or you risk returning to a way of life that will ultimately destroy you.

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